GUILTY....

Dear pple..I'm feeling guilty..Guilty to my lil Kinah..U pple must be thinking tat I've done biggest mistake to her..But...hmm..how to elaborate eh?

Actually ever since I resigned from being a 'tai-tai' and joined the workforce again, she was just 6mths old. Me, always wanting to be 'wanita berkerjaya', sanggup tinggalkan anak didalam jagaan my own mother..My mum being a grandmum..to her first grandchild of cozlah excited..In fact, compared my love towards my gerl to my mum's love..hmmm..totally differentlah..Jentik my own anak pun tak bule..But I noe, my mum will never spoil my gerl as in pamper her too much or watsoever..

So pple, dulukan..wen I came back from werk, I'll brought my gerl back..and this gerl will start crying..dunno y..each time balik umah, she'll start meragam..Mebbe becoz she's more attached to my mum..or got to do wif my house..Or mebbe kat umah cuma ada ibu n ayah dia..whereas my mum's place ada ramai org, she rasa terhibur..coz ada pelawak² hebat kat rumah my mum such as my bro and my sis..

Then my parents suggested tat we'll only bring Kinah back on weekends..Tat point of time, I felt relieved..My mum said tat, it's oklah..nanti Kinah dah besar, kurang sikit meragam dia..Dia dah cerdik..So me dah kena labelled, the weekend mum..But lately, I felt bad..guilty..

Kinah will start looking for me if after 9pm, she tak tido lagik, I'll cabut balik, wen she's khayal wif her toys or watever..Wen she realized I'm not around..She look for me, "Adik..adik!*Tat's wat she called me..I'm her adik, u noe..I'll feel young forever!"

And this morning, as a norm routine, I'll drop by @ my mum's place..see her for a while before leaving for work..My mum told me this,
MUM : Kinah cari ko semalam malam dik, lepas ko cabut keluar..dia cakap, Nek, nek, adik....*sambil tunjuk pintu depan*
MUM : Mak cam nak nangis..Ko tanyalah mimi..(my sis)..
MUM : Ko bawaklah dia balik on alternate days..kesian dia..

Actually, it's not tat I'm not willing to bring her back..but, kalau dah balik, and if she wants to sleep, takper seh..she still wanna play..and my mata pun dah kuyu, i tend to get angry easily..tak pasal² budak tu kena marah..Y eh..mebbe I'm too tired???

But now, I tekadlah..watever it is..I must bring her back..Back to our love nest..I must bukak balik her playpen, and let her sleep there, in the same room wif me lah..too young to let her sleep on her own in her own room..Tapi macam mana nak train her eh..I'm worried she might not like it to sleep on her own even though wif us in the same room..Normally, if we brought her back, we'll bentang tilam kat bilik sebelah..and sleep cam sardin..hheheheh..

Pple..if u happen to read this..pls gimme some advise..